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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Agents
Except
Gets
Percent
Everything
Headaches
Blinding
Headache
Agent

More quotes by Fred Allen

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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
Fred Allen
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen