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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Agents
Except
Gets
Percent
Everything
Headaches
Blinding
Headache
Agent

More quotes by Fred Allen

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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
Fred Allen
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
Fred Allen