Quote

On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Vices
Called
Call
Barnacles
President
Attach
Business
Presidents
Desks
Vice
Ships

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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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