Quote

On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Ships
Vices
Called
Call
Barnacles
President
Attach
Business
Presidents
Desks
Vice

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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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