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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Actors
Father
Determine
Play
Parts
Make
Average
Men
Changes
Time
Responsible
Physical
Actor

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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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