Quote

Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Father
Determine
Play
Parts
Make
Average
Men
Changes
Time
Responsible
Physical
Actor
Actors

More quotes by Fred Allen

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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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