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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Fatal
Comedian
Starts
Becomes
Audience
Talking

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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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