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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Fatal
Comedian
Starts
Becomes
Audience
Talking

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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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