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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Kept
Promise
Show
Business
Shows
Promises

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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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