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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Psychiatrists
Psychiatrist
Humor
Start
Talking
Next
Men

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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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