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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Humor
Start
Talking
Next
Men
Psychiatrists
Psychiatrist

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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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