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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Psychiatrists
Psychiatrist
Humor
Start
Talking
Next
Men

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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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