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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Motivational
Shredded
Gone
Mattress
Half
Mattresses
Success
Woke
Inspirational
Wheat
Dream
Dreamed
Find
Eating
Life
Positive

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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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