Quote

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Life
Positive
Motivational
Shredded
Gone
Mattress
Half
Mattresses
Success
Woke
Inspirational
Wheat
Dream
Dreamed
Find
Eating

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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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