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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Wet
Tastes
Coffee
English
Taste
Water
Squeezed
Like
Sleeve
Sleeves
More quotes by Fred Allen
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
Fred Allen
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
Fred Allen
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Fred Allen
He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
Fred Allen
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
Fred Allen
My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
Fred Allen
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Fred Allen
I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
Fred Allen
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
Fred Allen
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Fred Allen
The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
Fred Allen
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
Fred Allen
Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
Fred Allen
Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
Fred Allen
With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
Fred Allen
A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
Fred Allen
