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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Sleeves
Wet
Tastes
Coffee
English
Taste
Water
Squeezed
Like
Sleeve
More quotes by Fred Allen
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
Fred Allen
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
Fred Allen
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
Fred Allen
It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
Fred Allen
The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
Fred Allen