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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Going
Men
Boston
Doctor
Doctors
Sick

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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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