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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Boston
Doctor
Doctors
Sick
Going
Men

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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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