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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Skin
Skins
Story
Around
Stories
Human
Humans
Nothing

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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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