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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Skins
Story
Around
Stories
Human
Humans
Nothing
Skin

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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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