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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Conversation
Humor
Anything

More quotes by Fred Allen

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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
Fred Allen
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
Fred Allen
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
Fred Allen
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
Fred Allen
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
Fred Allen
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
Fred Allen
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
Fred Allen
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
Fred Allen
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
Fred Allen
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Fred Allen
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Fred Allen
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
Fred Allen
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen