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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Humor
Anything
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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