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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Conversation
Humor
Anything
More quotes by Fred Allen
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
Fred Allen
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Fred Allen
The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
Fred Allen
It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
Fred Allen
Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
Fred Allen
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
Fred Allen
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
Fred Allen
Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
Fred Allen
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
Fred Allen
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Fred Allen
In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
Fred Allen
The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
Fred Allen
The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
Fred Allen
Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
Fred Allen
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
Fred Allen
My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
Fred Allen