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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Conversation
Humor
Anything

More quotes by Fred Allen

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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
Fred Allen
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
Fred Allen
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
Fred Allen