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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Much
Brain
Would
Beauty
Seventeen
Men
Four
Ladies
Think
Rather
Brains
Thinking
Girl
Maturity
Two
Thirty
Home
Average
Better
Girls

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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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