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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Better
Girls
Much
Brain
Would
Beauty
Seventeen
Men
Four
Ladies
Think
Rather
Brains
Thinking
Girl
Maturity
Two
Thirty
Home
Average

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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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