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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Much
Brain
Would
Beauty
Seventeen
Men
Four
Ladies
Think
Rather
Brains
Thinking
Girl
Maturity
Two
Thirty
Home
Average
Better
Girls

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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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