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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Waste
Small
Sarcastic
Skin
Skins

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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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