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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Sarcastic
Skin
Skins
Waste
Small

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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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