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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Sarcastic
Skin
Skins
Waste
Small

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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
Fred Allen
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
Fred Allen
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
Fred Allen