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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Sarcastic
Skin
Skins
Waste
Small

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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
Fred Allen
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
Fred Allen
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
Fred Allen