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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Sarcastic
Skin
Skins
Waste
Small

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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
Fred Allen