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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Success
Sooner
Funny
Dealing
Kids
Drive
Ends
Police
Like
Later
Teaching
Wife
Station
Successful
Stations
More quotes by Fred Allen
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
Fred Allen
