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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Successful
Stations
Success
Sooner
Funny
Dealing
Kids
Drive
Ends
Police
Like
Later
Teaching
Wife
Station

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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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