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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
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Later
Teaching
Wife
Station
Successful
Stations
Success
Sooner
Funny
Dealing
Kids
Drive
Ends
Police
More quotes by Fred Allen
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
Fred Allen
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Fred Allen
He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
Fred Allen
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
Fred Allen
There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
Fred Allen
Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
Fred Allen
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Fred Allen
Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
Fred Allen
My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
Fred Allen
Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
Fred Allen
A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
Fred Allen
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
Fred Allen
The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
Fred Allen
I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
Fred Allen
A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
Fred Allen
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
Fred Allen
When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
Fred Allen
Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
Fred Allen
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
Fred Allen
