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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Make
Hole
Men
Objective
Life
Objectives
Holes
Misadventure
Shoulders
Terminate
Six
Estimation
Whose
Objectivity
Strange
Biological

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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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