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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Whose
Objectivity
Strange
Biological
Make
Hole
Men
Objective
Life
Objectives
Holes
Misadventure
Shoulders
Terminate
Six
Estimation

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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