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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Make
Hole
Men
Objective
Life
Objectives
Holes
Misadventure
Shoulders
Terminate
Six
Estimation
Whose
Objectivity
Strange
Biological

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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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