Quote

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Make
Hole
Men
Objective
Life
Objectives
Holes
Misadventure
Shoulders
Terminate
Six
Estimation
Whose
Objectivity
Strange
Biological

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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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