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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Shoulders
Terminate
Six
Estimation
Whose
Objectivity
Strange
Biological
Make
Hole
Men
Objective
Life
Objectives
Holes
Misadventure

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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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