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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
People
Haven
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Watch
Humor
Permits
Television
Device
Comedy
Permit
Funny
Devices
Anything
Havens
More quotes by Fred Allen
With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
Fred Allen
He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
Fred Allen
In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
Fred Allen
A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
Fred Allen
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
Fred Allen
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
Fred Allen
A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
Fred Allen
I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
Fred Allen
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
Fred Allen
Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
Fred Allen
Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
Fred Allen
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
Fred Allen
The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
Fred Allen
Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
Fred Allen
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
Fred Allen
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Fred Allen
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
Fred Allen
It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
Fred Allen
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
Fred Allen