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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
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Television
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Anything
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More quotes by Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
Fred Allen
Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
Fred Allen
The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
Fred Allen
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Fred Allen
A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
Fred Allen
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen
He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
Fred Allen
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
Fred Allen
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
Fred Allen
Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
Fred Allen
He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
Fred Allen
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
Fred Allen
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
Fred Allen
My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
Fred Allen
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
Fred Allen
It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
Fred Allen
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
Fred Allen
A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
Fred Allen
