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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Comedy
Permit
Funny
Devices
Anything
Havens
People
Haven
Watches
Watch
Humor
Permits
Television
Device

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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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