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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
People
Haven
Watches
Watch
Humor
Permits
Television
Device
Comedy
Permit
Funny
Devices
Anything
Havens

More quotes by Fred Allen

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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
Fred Allen