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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Humor
Permits
Television
Device
Comedy
Permit
Funny
Devices
Anything
Havens
People
Haven
Watches
Watch

More quotes by Fred Allen

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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
Fred Allen
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
Fred Allen
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
Fred Allen
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
Fred Allen
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
Fred Allen
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
Fred Allen
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
Fred Allen
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
Fred Allen
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Fred Allen
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
Fred Allen
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
Fred Allen
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
Fred Allen