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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Funny
Wear
Might
Pride
Even
Afraid
Humor
Movie
Stars
Sunglasses
Asks
Autographs
Church
Recognize

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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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