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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Humor
Movie
Stars
Sunglasses
Asks
Autographs
Church
Recognize
Funny
Wear
Might
Pride
Even
Afraid

More quotes by Fred Allen

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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
Fred Allen