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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Uncle
Uncles
Southern
Planter
Planters
Undertaker
Alabama

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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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