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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Uncle
Uncles
Southern
Planter
Planters
Undertaker
Alabama

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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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