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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Take
Novel
Writing
Belief
Years
Year
Funny
Understand
Write
Favourite
Persons
Easily
Person
Dollars
More quotes by Fred Allen
Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
Fred Allen
On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
Fred Allen
Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
Fred Allen
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
Fred Allen
The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
Fred Allen
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
Fred Allen
Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
Fred Allen
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
Fred Allen
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
Fred Allen
The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
Fred Allen
Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
Fred Allen
Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
Fred Allen
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen
If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
Fred Allen
When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
Fred Allen
A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
Fred Allen
The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
Fred Allen
I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
Fred Allen