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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Write
Favourite
Persons
Easily
Person
Dollars
Take
Novel
Writing
Belief
Years
Year
Funny
Understand

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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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