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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Funny
Associates
Art
Producer
Producers
Entertainment
Hollywood
Humor
Comedy
Guy
Associate

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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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