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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Thousand
Telescope
Stars
Telescopes
Times
Agent
Funny
Humour
Better
Agents
Even
Presses
Good
Press
Star
Magnify
More quotes by Fred Allen
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
Fred Allen
When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
Fred Allen
My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
Fred Allen
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
Fred Allen
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Fred Allen
The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
Fred Allen
In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
Fred Allen
I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
Fred Allen
