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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Funny
Humour
Better
Agents
Even
Presses
Good
Press
Star
Magnify
Thousand
Telescope
Stars
Telescopes
Times
Agent
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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