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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Actors
Funny
Place
Great
Washington
Good
Competition
Actor
Humor
Cities

More quotes by Fred Allen

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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
Fred Allen
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
Fred Allen
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
Fred Allen
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
Fred Allen
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
Fred Allen
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
Fred Allen
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
Fred Allen
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
Fred Allen
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
Fred Allen
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
Fred Allen
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
Fred Allen
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
Fred Allen
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
Fred Allen
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
Fred Allen
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
Fred Allen
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
Fred Allen