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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Actors
Funny
Place
Great
Washington
Good
Competition
Actor
Humor
Cities

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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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