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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Stars
Funny
Place
People
Iowa
Hollywood
Humor
Mistake

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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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