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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Hollywood
Humor
Mistake
Stars
Funny
Place
People
Iowa

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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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