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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Mistake
Stars
Funny
Place
People
Iowa
Hollywood
Humor

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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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