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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Hollywood
Humor
Mistake
Stars
Funny
Place
People
Iowa

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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
Fred Allen