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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
People
Iowa
Hollywood
Humor
Mistake
Stars
Funny
Place

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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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