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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
People
Iowa
Hollywood
Humor
Mistake
Stars
Funny
Place

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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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