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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Hollywood
Humor
Mistake
Stars
Funny
Place
People
Iowa

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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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