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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Stills
Hollywood
Still
Room
Take
Humor
Navel
Enough
Rooms
Producer
Heart
Movie
Sincerity
Funny
Producers
Three
Seeds
Place
Fruit

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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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